Letting Go of "Supposed To"

There is nothing that kills imagination and creativity quicker than the phrase, “Supposed to”.

“Supposed to” limits one’s possibility to that which has already been done. “Supposed to” may make one relevant but it never gives way to the unique creative genius.

“Supposed to” is attractive…it shows us the way, but this is precisely the problem. If the way is easy and can be shown so simply then there is a good chance no new thing will be discovered.

“Supposed to” is for those who want to fall in line, do as they’re told, and live a nice happy life. “Suppose to” doesn’t ask that much of you, just the status quo really. It doesn’t require you to think or to dream; and it certainly doesn’t rock the boat.

And while you are doing what you are “Supposed to” there are others doing what hasn’t been done, doing what they were told shouldn’t be done, or even more: what couldn’t be done. It is those who leave the confines of “Supposed to” that find their soul in the middle of a chorus…singing life out loud.

Living life outside of the “Supposed to” doesn’t mean that life is up for grabs; there are indeed some things we should be about. We should be generous, kind, and supportive of others. We should be encourages of children and our word should stand by exactly what it says.

Life free from the “Supposed to” doesn’t mean that we live life outside of the box, but rather that we dance along its edges. It means that when we go to work, school, or manage the household we will take care of more than our responsibilities…and not because they are a “have to”, but rather because they are an opportunity. An opportunity to do more than the minimum of the “supposed to” but to offer the fullness of our unique self to others.

May you live a life fare away from the demands of the supposed to and learn to live from the unique self God has placed within you.

Life Together

I want to share this excerpt from “The Future of the Covenant In the Postmodern World” written by Jay Phelan, President and Dean of North Park Theological Seminary.

Phelan writes:

In the Covenant I think we have a chance to offer to the world a grown-up faith, a faith that can handle ambiguity, a faith that can handle hard questions, a faith that can accept people even when they are wrong, a faith that permits disagreements and encourages discussion, a faith that is able to say “I’m sorry” and “I love you,” a faith that looks out for the suffering and marginalized and shares with them the love of Jesus, a faith that is mature because the word and will of God are internalized. We have a chance, I say. We could also fall back into the safety of the old nanny or engage in adolescent “acting out,” and refuse to leave either childhood or adolescence.

There are all kind of people in families. There’s the conservative Uncle Bob, who lives in the suburbs and votes Republican. There’s liberal cousin Lisa, who lives in a city co-op and works with the homeless. One brother is an Army officer, another a devoted pacifist. One brother-in-law is a law officer in favor of capital punishment. His wife pickets at the prison whenever a life is to be taken. These opinions are real, profoundly different, and in some senses not compatible.

But you stay together because you are a family and have a common ancestry and common commitment. You stay together because you are grown-up people and not adolescents. Jesus, as you know, called his disciples from all sorts of backgrounds and persuasions. He expected them to stay together, whatever their differences; because, however serious those differences, they had him in common. And they had his mission in common: a mission of God’s generosity, grace and longing.

God does want lost people found, and lonely people, and broken people, and confused people, and angry people, and frustrated people. God wants all people found and restored to the family. The Covenant Church has a chance to help people find such people, if we can avoid insularity, squabbling, and childishness, of which we are all capable.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Since our beginning Renovate has incorporated video in our worship gatherings. We have used video to project song lyrics, share short films that raise questions, and cast images that inspire. Video in our gatherings is as normal part of our liturgy.

I’m sure it came as a surprise to many that we took an intentional break from our video over 4 weeks ago. No lyrics projected, no images, and no short videos…we haven’t even set up the screens. Don’t get me wrong, there are many wonderful uses for video and projection within the context of worship however there are also times when technology has a way of creating distance between others and ourselves. At its best video has the capacity to paint vivid pictures for the mind body and soul however it also has the capacity to overload us to the point where we become desensitized to the world around us.

During our video break we’ve printed out lyrics to songs on sheets of paper to share and sing along with (there is something wonderful about holding a song sheet with another person and singing together). Also in conjunction with our video break Dave Nagel (our Worship Cultivator) has given his musicians a four-week “Sabbath” from playing on Sundays. The hope of this Sabbath for our musicians is to give them both rest from the need to “produce” and the opportunity to reflect on why we offer our gifts in this way.

These intentional breaks from our regular liturgical practice has created other opportunities within our worship like having selected people read Scripture from their seats for all to hear.

This video break has served to remind us that we are not measured by our level of production (as individuals and as a church), but rather through our identification as one of God’s children.

Field Trip Week

This past week I went on two different school field trips with my boys. With my 2^nd grader, Luke, we went with his class to a camp where they learned all about habitats and the ecosystem do doing “hands on” research in the pond and wildlife studies in the forest. As one of the adult chaperones I helped the kids fill out their nature worksheets and also taught them a few other things that weren’t a part of the curriculum like: “How to burn stuff with a magnifying glass” (who knew ants popped like popcorn?). One of the highlights: playing “spider web tag” with the entire 2^nd grade class during our picnic lunch (man, those kids are fast!).

The day after Luke’s trip I went with Caleb and his 4^th grade class to Camp Pendalouan (a YMCA camp here in Western, MI). We learned about the first settlers to Michigan, the fur trade, and played another tag-like game to illustrate the workings of the food chain (elementary kids sure love their tag games!). My highlight of this day: watching my son interact with his class…he’s sweet, kind, and funny.

I have to admit that when the week 1^st began and I saw that I had two full days of school field trips in which I would not be getting any work done (yes, pastors do work during the week J I was a bit overwhelmed. Yet as I thought of the +’s and –‘s of going on the trips I was easily swayed in going when I reminded myself of one simple fact: Each one of my boys had invited me.

As my kids get older I will be invited less and less into the events of their life and so I want them to know that Mom and Dad love their invitations. Accepting their invitations communicates to them that what they do and think about matters…it shows them that their world is beautiful, interesting, and something I want to participate in.

Sure, not all of us have the flexibility of being self-employed, but going on every field trip isn’t the point (there will be plenty of field trips that even this pastor won’t be able to attend). The point is that as parents we regularly accept the invitations into our kid’s lives; doing what they would like to do, seeing what they would like us to see, and laughing at what they find funny.

Of all the things that were taught this past week what I learned most from my elementary school field trip experience was: Being invited by a child is enough of a reason to go along.

Back

My family and I recently got back from our vacation in Florida. Our time as a family was filled with fun, adventure, relaxation, and connection. I can’t tell you what a gift it was to put my phone away and “let go” of phone calls, emails, txts, and work. This Sabbath for our family allowed us to reflect and remember the love we share with one another and the love that God has for us.

Part of taking a Sabbath means that we need to prepare for rest (remember the Israelites who gathered extra food on the 6^th day while in the wilderness?) and that we are intentional in our rest. Too many of us in taking vacations or time away from the office, fail to set up good boundaries for our absence (such as getting extra work done ahead of time/making sure people know who to contact in our absence) and end up checking email or make a “quick call” to the office to handle that “urgent” issue. As this happens we may physically be out of the office, but our mind never stops working. When we fail to “let go” we are easily taken away from the moment in front of us (being with the family, kids, etc) and are mentally transported to some other moment that may seem important but has little to no connection to what is happening around us right now. As a result we become more and more defined by the production of our hands instead of one of God’s unique creations and end up missing some of the beautiful things God does before us everyday.

My family and I can’t stay in Florida forever (sorry kiddos) and need to get back to reality; a reality that includes phone calls, emails, and work. Yet as we’ve returned Misty and I have been intentional about finding ways in which we cannot only turn off our phones and emails, but also our brains from the work we find so important. In doing so we hope to create a rhythm of participating in Sabbath yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily all so we might stay connected to what matters most.

What are some things you do in order to “let go” of work and rest in what is important in life?

What practices have you found helpful when resting to keep your mind from wondering to work, etc?

What intentional boundaries do you create when taking time away to keep yourself from feeling the need to “work”?