Calculating the Past

If the only way for you to move forward in life is to make perfect sense of what happened in the past then you will never live into the best of each day.

Our constant need to figure out why things happened the way they did (so we can engineer a perfect outcome in the future) brings no guarantees.  It only gives the illusion that our anxiety and worry are actually assets.

We are attracted to our over-scrutinizing-trend-predicting way of thinking because it constructs a world where we are in control.  Yet there is only one truth to this addictive way of operating:  we are not.

Every day situations arise, events unfold and others behave, in ways that we could not have predicted, expected or ever thought possible.  Sometimes we are surprised with joy and other times we are shocked in horror.  Trying to make sense of the things that leave us perplexed only captivates us to the past.

The conduit for real freedom is not found in the firm over-analyzing closed grip of the past but, paradoxically, in the open handed posture of awareness and mystery.  No problem to solve, no history to construct just the attentive nature that allows us to wonder, honor, and marvel at all that life brings.

This is not a passive approach where we resign ourselves to the gods as they see fit.  Rather this is an active co-participation (a giving, a receiving and giving again) with Life Itself.

It’s in the past.  What’s done is done.  Wonder.  Awe.

Our Love of Fear

I remember as a kid loving to be frightened by scary movies on the TV. We would watch Chukie terrorize people in "Child's Play", Jason stalk people at camp, and of course Freddy as he haunted people in their nightmares.

As we get older our fears change from fiction to reality. We fear the big things that threaten life and security: disease outbreak, corporations going belly up, and violence from foreign military powers. Our fears run deep into our being.

In his short book "Following Jesus", N.T. Wright writes this about fear: ...we're afraid of being alone, of being unloved, of being abandoned. We mix with other children, other teenagers, other young adults, and we're afraid of looking stupid, of being left behind in some race that we all seem to be automatically entered for. We contemplate jobs, and we're afraid both that we mightn't get the one we really want and that if we get it we mightn't be able to do it properly; and that double fear lasts for many people all through their lives. We contemplate marriage, and we're afraid both that we might never find the right person and that if we do marry it may turn out to be a disaster. We consider a career move, and are afraid both of stepping off the ladder and of missing the golden opportunity. We look ahead to retirement, and are afraid both of growing older and more feeble and of dying suddenly."

At first glance fear seems to be an unwanted emotion, something that has crept into our psyche keeping us from dreaming, trying, and doing. Yet the irony is that we as people love fear. For us living a life in fear allows us to live a life "in control". Our fears (so we think) keep us safe; safe from disappointment, sickness, and hurt.

And maybe this is the point of it all as we strive to follow the God of the Scriptures who is continually telling his children to "fear not"; that our pursuit of control (through a fear designed to "keep us safe") will never bring about the fullness of love and life that God desires for us. It is only when we can let go of our fears and need for control that we can freely walk in the hope of life and possibility.

In what areas of your life do you feel you have to "control"?
What "fears" are preventing you from stepping into new possibility?