What's in My Journal

Odd things, like a button drawer. Mean
things, fishhooks, barbs in your hand.
But marbles too. A genius for being agreeable.
Junkyard crucifixes, voluptuous
discards. Space for knickknacks, and for
Alaska. Evidence to hang me, or to beatify.
Clues that lead nowhere, that never connected
anyway. Deliberate obfuscation, the kind
that takes genius. Chasms in character.
Loud omissions. Mornings that yawn above
a new grave. Pages you know exist
but you can't find them. Someone's terribly
inevitable life story, maybe mine.

                                                   - William Stafford

Wholeness

Lord, I am fragmented.
Please make me whole.
Lord, there are parts of me that I don’t like and there are parts that I do.
Yet I am the sum of them.
Please make me whole.
Lord, I have gifts of creativity, emotion and logic;
Integrate my being, and make me whole, dear Lord.
Lord, I am spirit, soul and body and some of it is broken.

Dear, dear Lord: I cry to you to make me whole.
Mend me and integrate me afresh.
Things have got corrupted: re-program me, O Lord,
That I might be the human being you always wanted me to be.

Dear Lord, I am spirit, soul and body and I am not in balance.
Tune me so that I might harmonize with your Holy Spirit,
that he might lead me in all truth.
Help me hear the music of heaven, the songs of the angels;
The whisper of your command,
And grant me strength in soul and body to obey.

And dear Lord, I am one, just one, of your church on earth.
You called it your Body: you called it your Temple, with us as living stones.
Grant that I might be truly a part, truly a living stone
with a function, with a purpose,
giving and receiving
loving and caring
being loved and cared for
doing your will.

My Lord, I offer you all of me.
Make me beautiful,
make me whole, O Lord, I pray.

Michale Fulljames and Michael Harper, Prayers for Healing

The Ensuing Battle

To surrender or give up?

Neither one of these are particularly attractive.  In each case that which we wanted is given over to something else; another way, an outside force, a different ideal.  We would rather die than surrender and our American work ethic tells us that we cannot give up.  And so we do what most people do when faced with the prospect of surrender or giving up…

We fight.

Opposing armies fight, political parties fight, spouses fight, kids fight, co-workers fight.  We fight for our voice to be heard, our ideas to be understood, and for our dreams to be fulfilled.  We fight because we believe our way is worth subscribing to; a way worth living.

When we believe something is “worth fighting for” lines are drawn, elbows are thrown, and the battle ensues.  And it rages on until someone gives up, gives over, surrenders or is destroyed.

While commentary could be made of the many battles going on in the world around us, I’m wondering about the battle that is raging within you.  The battle no one sees because each day you dutifully report to the expectations placed on you.  The battle between:

Who others say you are vs. Who you think you are.

What you do vs. What you wish you could do.

Where you are vs. Where you wish you were.

This battle is exhausting.  It takes no prisoners.  It leaves one scattered; a displacement of self with no home in sight.   We fight because we long for a better way.  We fight because we can’t imagine surrendering and resigning ourselves to status-quo-living for the rest of our life.  But I’m not sure that this fight will bring the resolve we long for.

This is the endless fight of the prove-yourself-merry-go-round.  Maybe it’s time you simply stop.

Fighting.

Perhaps this is what Jesus was getting at when he said, “Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.”

Maybe instead of training to fight, it's time you practice letting go.

Life, Liberty & The Pursuit of Happiness

This sounds like a beautiful promise, something worthy to achieve, but be careful.

These words may speak to our longings and calm our fears but be cautious.

This ideal may seem like an American Dream but don’t allow it to lull you to sleep.

Sadly, in our effort to have “life”, we resort to slander, we fight, we take others to war and we even justify killing.  Our desire for “liberty” becomes self-focused; one man’s liberty becomes another’s oppression.  The pursuit of “happiness” becomes our unquenchable narcotic; leaving us with an insatiable appetite for more.

In this season remember:

The American Dream

is not

The Gospel Dream.

A dream where the dreamers pursue self-sacrifice as a way to true life.  A dream where in becoming a servant to all, others are set free.  And a dream where suffering in solidarity with the least of these, unites us in joy.

Tiny Little gods

The little gods of this world make demands.  They tell us what we should be doing, how we should be behaving, who we should vote for, and why we should believe what we believe.  These little gods bark commands with a puffed up chests and give orders that relish in compliance.

Politics, religion, family dynamics, and our inner thoughts all give a platform to these little gods.  We are attracted to little gods because they claim to have each answer carefully packaged…no need to wrestle, chew, and digest.  They are remarkable little creatures and so getting lured in by tiny gods is easy.

They speak with a cadence of confidence and mask their delusions with authority. 

When we bend our ear to the little gods we give them power to speak into our life and alter who we really are.  They feed on our insecurities, grow in our conformity and devour our identity.

But the secret?  These tiny gods are afraid.

Afraid that you will see them for what they are…trivial, small, insignificant.  Afraid you will awaken from their spell and no longer pay attention to them.  Afraid the home they constructed, fit only for a straw man, will blow away.

Be skeptical of the pat answers that leave no lasting satisfaction.  Be cautious when your allegiance is expected, and be leery of the little gods that make demands…

That you might be open to the one God that gives invitations.

Mechanically Separated Spirituality

I put a frozen pizza in the oven the other night and read the ingredients while I waited for the self-rising crust to do its thing. The pepperoni was advertised as being made with “real pork” and “real chicken”. As I read further I discovered that the pepperoni was made with “mechanically separated” chicken.

“Mechanically separated”?

What is our definition of “real”?

While the industrial age has produced cheap and quick “food” what have we lost in the process? Have we lost touch with the “real?”

I can’t help but wonder if we were to have an ingredients label on our churches what it might read.

“Made with REAL disciples”, “Ingredients: strategically formulated spirituality, business-model infused Holy Spirit, and enhanced ‘worship’ through relevant music and teaching.”

We are living in an age where many of us don’t know what our food is made of or where it comes from.

The same could be said of our spirituality.

More Than Remembering

Too often I "remember" what Jesus did for me on the cross yet fail to understand that too is my call, my journey, my destination.

Mobility and the Biblical Narrative (Mobility pt. 3)

The Biblical narrative gives us another way to view mobility. In the Old Testament the Israelites are led out of slavery and into the promise land. At a quick glance it may seem as if God is concerned with the upward mobility of his people, but upon further study more is taking place. Although God is leading them to a place of hope and promise, God also leads his people through a place of struggle and pain; the wilderness. In fact as the journey out of Egypt unfolds, the Israelites request they be sent back to Egypt (Exodus 14:11-12; 16:3; 17:3).

For the Israelites this is not the type of mobility they had hoped for, yet God is concerned not just with “where they are going”, but “who they are becoming”. The Exodus story is not simply about God’s people moving from the slums to the suburbs but rather moving from a scattered and fearful people to a new community that finds its identity in God.

The life of Jesus is also one that causes us to re-think our affinity for mobility. In the Gospels Jesus has a conversation with the mother of Zebedee’s sons (Matthew 20:20-28; Mark 10:35-45). She makes a request that her two boys sit next to him at his thrown; this is the request of upward mobility. Jesus replies by asking if they can drink from his cup…the cup not of his “success” but rather of his suffering. The account then goes on:

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Matthew 20:26-28

Jesus communicates in his words (see his conversation with the rich young ruler) as well as with his life (especially the journey to the cross) that type of mobility one is to aspire to as his follower is one of downward mobility. While our culture may aspire to moving at a greater speed and acquiring more in the name of success and efficiency, Jesus beckons us to cast aside our nets and follow him not on a path of mobile comfort but rather down the path that leads to Calvary for the sake of the Kingdom.

What other examples from the Scriptures/life of Jesus do you see regarding “downward mobility”?
What is lost in a life of “downward mobility”? What is gained?