Probably the thing I struggle with most is being patient. Not the kind of patience needed when the guy in front of you at the grocery check-out realizes he has forgotten his wallet (usually just after he scanned through his entire shopping cart). Or the kind of patience one must possess when traveling through Chicagoland traffic. Oddly enough these impatient moments make sense to me.
Lines at the grocery store will not go on forever and the traffic on your reverse commute will, at some point break-up.
There will be resolve.
The patience I struggle with is when life hits moments that, like heavy traffic, have little movement. When life feels stuck I want to know how to get it “un-stuck”, I want to know the purpose of the “stuckness” and what is on the other side of the curve.
I question whether there will be resolve.
My impatience breeds anxiety and steals the joys each moment tries to offer. No joy received. Asleep to the possibilities in front of me and entrenched in confusing nightmares of my own making, it is in this space that God becomes the Manipulating Trickster.
Maybe another image is in order. Something that gives respect to the restlessness I feel but renders it powerless.
Jesus gave the example of a child asking for a fish and reminded us that God is not a manipulating trickster who gives a snake, but a loving father who gives beyond what we even ask.
The dynamic is like a child jumping up and down with arms outstretched towards their parent who is lovingly (and patiently) at work un-wrapping a treat for their child. “Hold on”, the Parent says in a tone that is affirming and promising. “It is coming”. With a smile the Parent finishes unwrapping and gladly hands the treat over.
The child was on the verge of a temper tantrum but the Parent was not fazed. The treat, the gift was always coming; Hope sure and certain. The resolve may not be in our way or our timing, but there indeed will be a resolve...
And it will abound with goodness.
1 comment:
Great post. I love your analogy of the parent and the child.
This is the second time I have responded to your blog but somehow my efforts became erased upon conclusion. I guess Im not very good at the first kind of patience either, judging by my reaction to losing my written thoughts. :)
Back on topic. My wife and I have been struggling with this same kind of impatience. We have been questioning the promises we believe God has promised us and wondering what to do next.
Deep down, where his quiet voice resides, we know he is faithful to us. However, in recent moments when the pain and confusion are so close to the surface it makes it almost impossible to not figurtively throw a temper tantrum spawned by frustration.
Lately we have begun to look back to all the times when we have needed him, and how he has come through for us.
Of course, it seems its never usually as grandious or miraculous as we would like. Like that of a leapor being healed or a crippled man suddenly being able to walk about. It seems as though its when things seem impossible that his, at times, almost unnoticable presence inside of us sublty yet relentlessly keeps reassuring us that he has not forgoten his promises to us. This seems to sustain us in the face of our trials.
We both would appreciate a little more zero to sixty speed on the relentlessness of his reassurance.
We still feel joyless moments that rob us of our peace and create angst because we dont feel whole in the ways we feel we should, but in those moments, that sure and certain hope that you mentioned strenthens us enough to make it to the next moment.
You are so right about wanting to see whats around the curve. God seems to be a moment to moment God. I hate that!
I am paraphrasing but i know there is a verse somewhere in the bible that says "if you look for me in the past or future i am not there" I guess the concept of alpha and omega eludes me then.
However, I know from the peace we've felt when his presence is tangible, or not so tangible, that his hope is sure and certain and I believe like you..... there will be resolve.
Thank God his goodness abounds. Thank God his goodness abounds forever!
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