As a kid I remember playing in the park behind my elementary school. We played games like soccer, tag, kick-ball, and smear the queer. For those of you who never played this game from my childhood, it goes like this:1. Get a group of friends together, an open grassy field, and a ball of some sort (preferably a football).
2. Spread out; One person is designated "the Queer" and begins with the ball in their hand.
3. "GO!" gang up on, surround, tackle, and smear the queer with the ball.
4. Once piled upon (and adequately smeared), the queer throws the ball up in the air for some other unfortunate sole to be afflicted with the burden of carrying the ball until they too are adequately smeared.
5. Repeat until too bruised and bloody to continue, or until mom calls you home for dinner.
No wonder it is so difficult for those in the gay and lesbian community to share their life in the open. We have constructed a culture (even through childhood games) that makes discussing your sexuality (and asking questions concerning it) frightening if it appears to be outside the"norm". Guys in the locker room joke around and call each other "gay" (not referring to the Old English definition), or refer to one another as "fag". In high school I perfected my flamboyant "gay hairdresser" voice, making a lot of people laugh (especially the kids in my church youth group). I wonder how many people heard those jokes (some maybe even participated in them in an effort to "hide") and as a result told themselves that there are somethings we shouldn't ask because it's not safe and came to the realization that their questions and feelings have to be sorted out in secret.
I am saddened by the depth of loneliness and isolation (and the anguish that follows) one feels when they have no place to go, and so they have to remain "in the closet". This is perhaps where I see the greatest sin take place. It is the sin that found itself in the garden when God spoke and said: "It is not good that man is alone." To that sin, I am culpable; I have participated in the creation of another human being's loneliness. The holy community of God's people (the Church) should be the very place where no one walks alone. A community that is a refuge and haven for people to ask questions (on any level) with respect, dignity, and care.
If we are going to be seen as people who can be trusted with deep questions of identity and sexuality then we need to take a serious look at the messages we are sending in the "games" we play and the "jokes" we tell.
Some may say, "this is just falling into a gay agenda" or that "it's too PC". I disagree. I want those in my life (from my children to those who over hear me talking with a buddy) to know that with me they can be honest. Honest in their questions, honest in their desires, and honest in their fears. But most of all, I want others to be free to be honest. Free of fear, free of hatred, free from judgement, and free to discover God's love.
3 comments:
It is deeply moving and inspiring to see members if the Christian community really respond with the heart of Christ and not the ego of RIGHTeousness. In community we can heal the fear and isolation.
Thank you Dave for sharing your thoughts and being willing to move past fear into deeper wisdom.
Heather Rose
I listened intently to your message today in church regarding this subject and was moved by it.
I too have a story. I have been married for nearly 30 years and have spent many of those years being fairly certain that I married a gay man who was trying desparately to live a "straight" life. The story is much longer and much more painful than I will share in a blog.
However, your message today made me see the pain that he is certainly experiencing instead of focusing on my own.
Thank you.
I came here tonight to find this blog because I appreciated the message in the service so much today.
I was raised to love and accept all of the beautiful diversity around me that is humanity. Intolerance and sharp edges have prevented me from finding a home in a church locally; this has been going on for eight or more years.
Hearing these messages of tolerance and love are so refreshing to me because they resonate with me deeply. Contrasting messages from the Christian community have always festered in my mind. As a more liberal individual, it has always hurt me that those with perhaps more conservative ideals questioned my faith because of the tolerance or indifference (for lack of a better term) I had regarding this matter. The phrase "taboo Christian conversation topic" comes up. Not something to bring up at the ice cream social.
Secondarily...you mentioned in your story this afternoon, to your friend, that you "didn't have the answers". Who does? In my thirty years on this earth, only one thing seems certain: there are MANY things we will ponder without resolve. I think that is ok! I am at peace with this idea (at least temporarily, haha). Aren't the majority of us incapable of fully contemplating the glory of our world, our universe, God, his intent? We don't have all the answers. It's ok. I liked hearing you say that. It seems utterly human to me, and it's nice to feel real...at church.
Right on Dave!
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